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Developing Self-Confidence

RocheMartin defines Emotional Intelligence by a set of 10 competencies and this is one in a series of blogs covering each one.

Self-Confidence is believing that you're good enough to give it a go without worrying about the consequences

The 3 components of Self-Confidence are

  • Self-Liking

    • You're happy with who you are.

  • Self-Competence

    • You think you have the competence for what you need to do.

  • Self-Assurance

    • You feel sure that you can be OK. You've got what it takes to be able to figure it out or find a way to cope.

To find out more and why it's so important, have a look at this blog.

A few ideas to increase your Self-Confidence

  • Use the Magic Triad

  • Switch your focus

  • 'Act as if'

  • Accept that you’re enough – just as you are

  • Challenge what you believe about yourself/check the evidence

  • Coaching

Use the Magic Triad

The Magic Triad is part of the NLP communication model and gives you 3 ways to change the way you feel moment to moment.

Check out this blog for how you can use it to boost your confidence in your more challenging moments.

Switch your focus

A lack of self-confidence is fuelled by focusing on yourself - what will they think of me, what if I do something wrong etc.

When you notice those thoughts entering your head, make a decision to switch your focus to something else more useful...anything really, for example

  • What needs to be done? Switch focus to taking action. Focus on the task.

  • How are others feeling? How can you help them?

  • What's important about what you have to ask or say?

‘Act as if’

Model others or ‘borrow’ what you need to feel confident in the moment.

Think of someone (which could include a future version of yourself), that would be feeling really confident in your challenging moment.

If you were them,

  • What would you be saying to yourself in this situation?

  • What would you believe, feel, do or say if you were them right now?

Copy them.

Borrow how they think, and act as if you're them…just as you modelled your idols when you were a kid.

Accept that you’re enough – just as you are

Even if you’re not exactly as you’d like to be right now, just accept that you’re enough. You’re OK.

Choose to like yourself, just the way you are. Even though you know there is room for growth and improvement.

And if you need to, put reminders where you will see them: on sticky notes around your desk, write it in lipstick on your bathroom mirror, change the wallpaper on your phone or add alarms to remind you at intervals during the day!

Challenge what you believe about yourself/check the evidence

What you believe about yourself comes from what you learn from your experiences.

And a belief that you lack confidence is likely to come from times when you felt like you failed in some way or were judged badly.

And as that belief starts to form, you are likely to only see evidence that supports it as explained in this blog: you get what you focus on.

It’s like all the good stuff you’ve done and all the stuff you were apprehensive about that turned out OK in the end has been filtered out.

So take the filter off and go hunting for the good stuff instead.

  • Look for the things that went well.

  • Look for the things you do well, that come easily to you.

  • Look for the things that actually turned out ok, despite your lack of confidence.

  • Look for the challenges that you overcame.

And you may just find you’re better than you thought you were…but a word of warning...

the trouble with beliefs is that we think they’re true!

….so doing this alone can be a bit tricky, which is why a great way to increase your Self-Confidence is through


Coaching is by far the most efficient, effective, engaging, empowering and enjoyable way to build any of the Emotional Intelligence competencies.

Helping you to develop, refine and embed your own personalised strategies for each competency.

Coaching is particularly useful when it comes to Self-Confidence as a coach is not caught up in your life’s story so can help you bust your own internal myths about yourself and your capability.

If you’re interested in understanding your level of emotional intelligence using one of the RocheMartin assessments or would like to explore coaching for developing components of it like Self-Confidence, you can book a free call here.

And if you'd like to try out my monthly emails that provide a roundup of my blogs as well as other insights, you can sign up here.


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