The other day, I noticed that I was feeling a bit grumpy, stressed and anxious. So I got a cup of tea and thought about what was going on in my head. And there was the answer. I realised I was being visited by the judgemental nag and his mate, the prophet of doom.
Everything I was saying to myself about my day, my future, my life had words like "should", "should have", "must" and "can’t" attached to them. And catastrophe appeared to be the only future option.I feel exhausted and stressed just thinking about it again!
My unhelpful visitors needed to take a chill pill and I decided to give myself a break and choose to spend the day with my possibility fairy instead.
Instead of "should", "must" and "can’t" I chose "could", "might", "can" and "want". And made full use of the magic words "just" and "yet".
Instead of assuming the worst, I challenged the evidence and chose to assume an equally arbitrary alternative. And I toned down my language.
So
Instead of this judgmental nag or prophet of doom perspective
I chose this possibility fairy perspective
Here are a few examples
It’s all such a nightmare.
Granted, it’s not ideal, but I can still...
This is never going to work.
You don't know that for a fact. You're just assuming the worst. It might work. Just keep going.
I should be....by now.
Should I? Who says? I'm just not there yet.
I should do...
I could do...
I must...
I could, but I do I really have to? What would happen if I didn't?
I mustn't...
I can choose not to because actually, that's what I really want,
Or I might choose to this time and I'll recognise I'm making a choice.
I can't see how I can...
What do I know I can do? What could I try? What other possibilities are there that I've overlooked?
I can't possibly...
Would would happen if I did?
...and so it went on...
The result? I had a MUCH nicer day! I was far more productive. And my world became full of possibility, potential and choice.
Nothing in the real world had changed, just my perception of it, based on the language I was using inside my head.
Maybe you have some unwelcome visitors that need to spend a bit of time on the naughty step, while you invite a kinder, gentler and more supportive friend into your head.
And if you do, I'd love to hear how you get on!
And if your visitors are being stubborn and you would like to explore coaching as a way to get rid of them, then you can book a free call (and sign up to my monthly round-up email) here.